Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Joke Of The Day : Say Watt??

Joke Of The Day : Say Watt??

Q. How many swingers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. None. Swingers don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought Of The Day : New Beginning

Thought Of The Day : New Beginning

We are always on the precipice of a new beginning and it represents a grand opportunity for us. To make the most of it, we will need to truly leave the past behind - not just the negative effects it had on our life, but we will also need to alter some of the ways we dealt with life in the past. We need to be more proactive in our own life. We need to take charge. As we move forward, try to evaluate what caused the problems we had. If we can be honest with ourselves, this could be a positive, life-changing shift in where we want our life to go from here.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Amazing Legs

Joke Of The Day - Amazing Legs

A man was drinking alone at a bar when he spotted a fat girl dancing on a nearby table. After watching for a while he walked past her and said, "Amazing legs."

She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"

"Definitely," he replied. "Most tables would have collapsed by now."

courtesy AskMen

Thought of The Day : Life

Thought of The Day : Life

Life, it sometimes seems, is full of situations that we don't want to deal with, facts that we prefer not to face, challenges that we really don't feel inspired to rise to. Yet it is also full of such beauty, magic, joy and inspiration. Can't we just appreciate all that and keep away from the more daunting stuff? Not if those potential difficulties really deserve our attention. Only we now know whether we are wisely avoiding an unnecessary drama or shirking a real responsibility. But it would be a good idea to get clear about this.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Joke Of The Day - The Best Bet

Joke Of The Day - The Best Bet

An unscrupulous young man had fancied this girl for ages but she had shown no interest in him so he decided to play a trick on her. The next time he saw her sunbathing on the beach he went up and said, “Hi Julie, I bet you £10 I can keep an eye on my clothes while I dive into the sea.”

Now Julie felt pretty sure that it would be impossible for him to dive in and watch the beach at the same time, so she accepted the bet. The young man took a false eye out of his pocket, put it on his clothes, and then dived into the water.

When he returned, he smiled and said, “Come on, Julie, I bet you another £10 I can bite my own ear.”

“Oh no,” she said, “Not more tricks. I suppose it’s plastic teeth this time?”

“I promise you they’re my own,” he said, so she accepted the bet. He took out his false teeth and bit his own ear. Now Julie was down £20 and feeling very annoyed.”

Hey Julie, I’ll give you a chance to win all your money back. I bet I can make love to you and you won’t feel a thing.

“Now Julie knew all about sex and figured that was impossible so she took the bet. He got down on top of her and away they went.

“Ah ah” she said triumphantly. “I can feel you!”

“Oh well,” he said grinning. “You win some, you lose some.”


more jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Hidden

Thought Of The Day - Hidden

Termites can do devastating damage to a home, all without being seen. We can look at a house that appears to be the picture of perfection, only to discover upon closer inspection that it is being eaten away by those destructive wood-eating creatures. That's also what it's like to harbor a fear or guilt or a painful emotion that we don't face and deal with. It may not be obvious to outsiders, but if something big is weighing on our minds now, then we need to let it out. Talk to a friend. Talk to a spiritual advisor. Seek advice from a therapist. Do whatever we have to do to move beyond our problem, and we'll feel immensely lighter and happier.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Rubber Gloves

Joke Of The Day - Rubber Gloves

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves.

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said: "No, I don't have any idea."

"Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walks around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

She didn't laugh one bit.

Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just figured out how they must make condoms!"

more Dentist Jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Possibility & Experience

Thought Of The Day - Possibility & Experience

When a pen runs out of ink it is still a pen, but it can't fulfill it's purpose. We may be feeling like a pen that has run out of ink. We have a mental block about accomplishing something that at one time might have been quite easy for us. To get moving again we will need to inspire ourselves. We need to think of some way to reignite our imagination. A good way to do this might be to imagine the end result or possibilities, and to try and embrace the feelings and experience we will have when we get there.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

More Jokes about Airplanes on GuyLife

Thought of the day - Questions???

Thought of the day - Questions???

If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, be good. But what if you can't tell what truly constitutes good, bad, careful or careless? What if your sense of perspective is distorted? Actually, we can stop right there. People who suspect that they may have their priorities mixed up, usually turn out to have them in good order. It's the folk who don't question themselves that we need to worry about. There's never anything good about arrogance. But be humble, and you can make a very wise choice.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Onions

Joke Of The Day - Onions

A surgeon operating on a man slips and accidentally cuts off the patient's testicles. He quickly inserts two onions and sews him back up. One month later, the man goes back for a check-up.

"Any problems?" asks the surgeon.

"A few," explains the man. "I cry when I pee, my wife gets heartburn after sex and I get a hard-on when I see a cheese sandwich!"

courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Choice and Acceptance

Thought Of The Day - Choice and Acceptance

Time is rather like the ocean. We are rather like little boats, cast adrift on those great waves. We have no option other than to go with the flow. No matter how many sails we put up or engines we fire up, we cannot go in another direction. Nor can we speed up our progress. What choice do we have? One. One very big important choice. We can choose whether to feel okay about a situation we can't change or whether to resent it. Acceptance is the key to greater buoyancy and smoother sailing in our lives.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years."

"Yeah," she replied,"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds 50 years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My n*ppl*s are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

courtesy GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Moments

Thought Of The Day - Moments

When we stop to think about how lucky we are to be alive, and how short our time tends to be, it becomes clear that every moment is too precious to waste. Yet some moments just don't feel so special. All we can think about are our troubles, our obligations or our reasons to feel resentful. Even worse are the moments when we feel full neither of something good nor something bad. We just feel somehow flat or empty. When such times come, we must let them go. And remind ourselves of what life can feel like at its best.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Different Lives

Thought Of The Day - Different Lives

Think of all the different lives we could have led. What about the talents that we nearly developed but never gave quite enough energy to? Or the relationships that might have come to mean so much, yet which slipped away before their potential had been fully realised? The career choices we could have made and the ones we selected instead? Do we have reason for regret? Absolutely not. But we do have reason to look more carefully at what is in front of us now. It could turn out to be offering us more than we realise.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Supermarket Fishing

Joke Of The Day - Supermarket Fishing

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the large trout also."

"Why's that?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take the big trout. That's what she'd like for dinner tonight."

more fishing jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Decisions

Thought Of The Day - Decisions

So, what if you are wrong? What if you say or do something that later turns out to have been exceedingly silly? What if you end up feeling foolish or regretting your decision? Well, it won't be the first time... or the last. You also have to remember that a decision to do nothing - or to leave things as they are - could just as easily produce that undesirable result. Here's an important question: Are you being motivated by fear or inspiration? If it's the former, don't trust the plan. If it's the latter, give it all you've got.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Divorced Barbie

Joke Of The Day - Divorced Barbie

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant.

"Which Barbie?" she asks. "We have 'Barbie Goes to the Gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes to the Ball' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes Shopping' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes to the Beach' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes Nightclubbing' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for $395.00."

"Why is 'Divorced Barbie' so much more expensive than all the others?" the confused father asks.

"That's obvious," the assistant states, "'Divorced Barbie' comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... "

courtesy AskMen

Thought of The Day - Faith

Thought of The Day - Faith

Doctors come under a lot of pressure to issue prescriptions. Sometimes, there may be no need at all for a treatment. The problem may be likely to clear itself up if it is left alone. But the patient might feel disappointed if they have to leave the surgery empty- handed. And doctors are not allowed to prescribe a placebo, even though placebos have been scientifically proven to be effective in many cases. There are several ways in which we could heal a wound or cure a fear. We can apply any solution we like, as long as we put our faith in it.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Joke of The Day - IPL

Joke of The Day - IPL 

Girls & Boys

Teacher: Children, can you name 2 things that young Indian boys and girls absolutely love in the springtime?

Pappu: IPL for the boys and the i-pill for the girls!


Movie Mania
Q. What is former KKR captain Sourav Ganguly's favorite movie?

A. Gone in 60 seconds.

More IPL and cricket jokes on Guy Life 

Friday, April 6, 2012

Thought Of The Day - Forgiveness

Thought Of The Day - Forgiveness

Some people think that forgiveness is overrated. After all, why should we let someone off the hook for wrongdoing? We generally face issues that requires us to forgive someone. But doing so doesn't absolve the guilty person of responsibility for their actions. That's up to them to deal with and manage. We need to be careful that we don't mix up forgiveness with saying that something wrong is okay. Think of forgiveness as giving ourselves permission to let it all go, and to feel good again. We deserve that.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Thought of the Day - Understanding

Thought of the Day - Understanding

We always try hard to understand someone or something. We feel that perhaps we are doing them an injustice and that their cause deserves more careful consideration. But that is largely because we cannot quite believe what we appear to be seeing or hearing. By all means seek an explanation. The more we find out, the wiser we become - and wisdom is one of the keys to happiness. But bear in mind that some factors in all our lives are beyond understanding. We need to just get it and accept it and not try to understand everything. Sometimes, the wisest thing to do is to leave them as mysteries. 

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Knock Knock

Joke Of The Day - Knock Knock

Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside.

When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked. There was no answer.

He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer.

Finally, he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, "Who’s there?"

More Astronaut Jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Go With or Against the Flow

Thought Of The Day - Go With or Against the Flow

As humans, we know that it's much easier to swim with the tide than against it. When we go with the flow, the current carries us faster and farther, and with little effort on our part. All we really have to do is remember to breathe and to relax and enjoy the ride. But when we swim against the tide, we are in for a struggle. We may swallow a few gulps of water. We will certainly become exhausted. And we may get hit in the face with a wave a few times. It always easier  to go along with something when we feel we're being cornered into. But ultimately the better destination is the one we'll have to fight for. Satisfaction guaranteed!!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Tight Skirts

Joke Of The Day - Tight Skirts

A woman tried to board a bus but her skirt was so tight that she couldn't make the step up.

So she reached behind her, lowered her zip and tried again. Still the skirt was too tight. So again she reached behind her, lowered her zip a little more and tried to negotiate the step. But still the skirt was too tight.

Determined to catch this bus, she once more reached behind her, lowered the zip a little and attempted to climb aboard. Then suddenly she felt two hands on her butt, helping her on to the bus.

She turned around angrily and told the man behind her: "Sir, I don't know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner."

The man replied: "Lady, I don't know you well enough for you to unzip my fly three times either!"

more Jokes on Fashion on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Unthinkable

Thought Of The Day - Unthinkable

How do you know when you've gone far enough? How far is too far? When should barriers be put in place? Questions of this kind are often much easier to answer in theory than in practice. When you're in the middle of a drama... or a dream... there's not just a temptation to keep going; there's almost a sense that anything else is unthinkable. But we specialise in thinking the unthinkable! Sometimes, when you think it, you see it's not so far- fetched after all! 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Medical test Mix Up

Joke Of The Day - Medical test Mix Up

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech tells him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that news is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for herpes. We can't tell which one is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" he asked.

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Heaven or Hell on Earth

Thought Of The Day - Heaven or Hell on Earth

Heaven, many people believe, is a place on Earth. Hell, as we all know from experience, most definitely exists on this planet. We don't have to go anywhere else for it. No descent into any sulphurous inferno could equal the agony felt by some people right here in this world from time to time. Which of the two realms do we want to live in? And do we get a choice? Don't worry about the judgement of some lofty power. It is our own judgement that will lead us to one place or the other. We only need to use ours wisely.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Joke of The Day - The Japanese Banking Crisis

Joke of The Day - The Japanese Banking Crisis

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it's getting worse.

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

More Jokes on Banks on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - New Spark or Fan the Flames

Thought Of The Day - New Spark or Fan the Flames

In front of you, a small fire is starting to take light. Nearby, you can see a set of bellows. You are sorely tempted to fan those flames. But is this wise? It may be easier to intensify an existing blaze, but wouldn't it be more rewarding to gather fresh fuel and strike up a new spark? Be careful what (and who) you now bless with your encouragement, for you may long have to live with the consequences. Neither do whatever is the most convenient, nor feel that you are obliged to stick with what is most difficult. Just choose well.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Joke Of The Day - If the Shoe Fits ...

Joke Of The Day - If the Shoe Fits ... 

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he got up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said: "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her private parts, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do... he's in too far."

courtesy AskMen

Thought of The Day - Risk Avoidance

Thought of The Day - Risk Avoidance

Risk avoidance can be a risky business! When we try too hard to keep trouble at bay, we effectively create trouble for ourselves. Even if we could create a sanitised world without danger of any kind, we might not enjoy living in it. We would soon become depressed and dispirited. Every so often, we all need the rush of adrenaline that only a true challenge can provide. With this in mind, let's look again at the wisdom (or otherwise) of our strategy. We need to consider what is sensible but  must also do what is sincere.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Three Kinds

Joke Of The Day - Three Kinds

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they're like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they're like onions."

"Onions?" asks the boy.

"Yes," says the father, "you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriates his wife and daughter. In a snarky voice, the daughter asks, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"

The mother smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it's like an old Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks.

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

courtesy Ask Men

Thought Of The Day - Remote Control

Thought Of The Day - Remote Control

The remote control is in your hand. If you don't like the channel you are watching, flick over to another one. That little battery-powered infrared device has changed the lives of millions since it was first invented. Although, sadly, it does not grant us the power to choose which shows the TV stations broadcast. Some options simply are not open to us, but there are, nonetheless, a surprisingly large number of alternatives at our disposal. We need not feel that we are stuck with anything that we cannot escape.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Joke Of The Day - The Drug Dealers

Joke Of The Day - The Drug Dealers

Two drug dealers are arrested and appear before a judge for trial. Both men are convicted, but the judge agrees to suspend their sentences, if as a community service, they agree to speak to youngsters and successfully steer them away from drugs.

They both accept this and report back to the judge one week later.

The judge asks the first man, "How successful were you getting kids off drugs?"

The first man replies, "I did very well. I stopped 36 kids from doing drugs, your honour!"
asshole
"That's great," replied the judge, "How did you manage to do that?"

"Well," replied the first man, "I drew two circles, one big and one little. I pointed to the big one and said, 'this is your brain before drugs!' then I pointed to the little one and said, 'This is your brain after drugs'"

"Well," said the judge, "It's simple but effective!"

The judge then asks the second man how he did.

The second man says, "I got 100 kids off drugs, your honour!"

"Really?" said the judge, "That is amazing, how did you do it?"

"Well," said the second guy, "I drew two circles, just like he did but I pointed at the small circle first and said, 'This is your a**hole before you go into prison...'"

more crime jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Symbiotic Relationship

Thought of the Day - Symbiotic Relationship

There's a symbiotic relationship between order and chaos, just as there is a close connection between pain and pleasure. Love and hate are two sides of one coin. Success and failure? Joined at the hip. Honesty and deceit? Twins since birth! Strength and weakness? World's top double act! Hell and heaven? You get the point, right!  Do consider now, whether your powerful reaction to something or someone could simply be a reminder of your own need to redress an inner imbalance?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Poetry Contest on Timbuktu

Joke Of The Day - Poetry Contest on Timbuktu

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two; a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

"Slowly across the desert sand

Trekked a lonely caravan;

Men on camels, two by two

Destination Timbuktu."


The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went.

Met three chicks in a pop up tent.

They was three, and we was two,

So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."


Courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Open & Receptive

Thought Of The Day - Open & Receptive

You've been aggressively pursuing an opportunity or a change in your life. You've been quite ambitious in your quest. You've knocked on all the doors and chased all the possibilities. And yet you probably still feel like you're right back where you started. Have you considered that you may be trying too hard? Maybe the realization of your goal is easier than you think. Maybe it's just waiting for you to recognize it. But you've been so busy out searching for shooting stars that you've missed the one that's trying to land in your lap. Be more open and receptive to a new idea - it could be the one that gives you what you want and need.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Joke of The Day - Speedy Scooter

Joke of The Day - Speedy Scooter

A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car.

Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter.

A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little miffed that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up.

He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche.

After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and asked how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter.

The injured man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror!"

more car jokes on Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Easy and Comfortable or Satisfying and Meaningful Life

Thought of the Day - Easy and Comfortable or Satisfying and Meaningful Life

If we want an easy life, we just need to decide never to do anything difficult! Resolve not to want what we probably can't have. Develop an enthusiastic appreciation for anything that happens to be cheap and in plentiful supply. When we see trouble coming our way, get out of its path! When issues arise with a challenge, don't rise to it! There we go. There is our recipe for an easy life. I said, 'easy'. I did not say, 'satisfying' or 'meaningful'. If we want that kind of life, we must be willing to live a little closer to the edge at times.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Joke of The Day - Screw Up The Cooking

Joke of The Day - Screw Up The Cooking

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.

But one day the chef ran out of meat, and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there were no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place.

At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup.

During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delight that the soup tasted extremely good, and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament and how he used mutton from the sheep instead. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces.

The chef asked, "What's the matter boys, did I screw up the cooking?"

"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the screwing."

more Chef jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Open The Door

Thought of the Day - Open The Door

What can we do when we really try? What can we have power over? Who can we influence? Often, there is a limit to what we feel able to achieve. Material circumstances restrict us. Emotional wrangles confuse us. These problems are not about to vanish in a puff of smoke but they are all about revealing themselves as illusory. Walk bravely up to any door we imagine to be locked and somehow it will open.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Joke Of The Day - A Matter Of Time

Joke Of The Day - A Matter Of Time

A man walked into work late one morning and was immediately greeted by his boss.
"What time is it?" the boss asked, clearly annoyed.
"It's 10:33," the man replied.

"You didn't see anybody else strolling in at half-past 10 today, did you?" the boss asked.

"Of course not," the man answered, "I wasn't even here."

courtesy AskMen

Thought of The Day - Drama

Thought of The Day - Drama

Some people are attracted to each other for all the wrong reasons. Those, for example, who take perverse pleasure in perceiving themselves as victims will often feel irresistibly drawn to individuals with a predatory personality. And the attraction, sadly, is mutual! This happens most often when there are deep unresolved issues within both parties. These give rise to the need to play a role or act out a drama. They create scenarios where history appears to repeat itself. Such a chain can be broken. And we have the power to break it.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Divorce

Joke Of The Day - Divorce

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who cares? They never get the house anyway.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of The Day - Magic

Thought of The Day - Magic

Uri Geller, a self-proclaimed psychic, has traveled the world and made a fabulous living by performing amazing feats of mysticism. He has met many famous people and created memorable performances. One of his most famous feats involves bending a spoon with his mind. Mr. Geller has quite a following and many believers, despite the fact that cynics have always claimed his paranormal demonstrations are merely simple magic tricks, which he denies. Still, no one has proven whether Mr. Geller's gift is real or an illusion, and his followers are devout. We can achieve magic too, by inspiring others to believe in our personal magic.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Heaven

Joke Of The Day - Heaven

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands, because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer," the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and responded, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny answered, "Well, I walked past Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God! I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, I reckon we'd have lost her."

The nun had to leave the room.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Best Things In Life Are Free

Thought of the Day - Best Things In Life Are Free

They say 'the best things in life are free'. Well, that's what they used to say, anyway. They don't say it quite so much these days. All the great communicators work for advertising and marketing companies. They earn their living by trying to persuade the rest of us, that the very best things in life are worth lots of money. But the fact remains, that the very best things are as free and as wonderful as they ever were. Deep in our hearts there is a source of perfect joy and priceless wonder.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Chris Rock was voted the 5th funniest comedian of all time by Comedy Central, and for good reason too. Over the years, his brand of 'in your face' comedy has pushed racial, cultural and political boundaries. As he turns 47, here's a look back at some of his best stand-up comedy sets. 

visit GuyLife for 5 Hilarious Chris Rock Jokes.

Warning: Profanity and NSFW Language!


Thought of the Day - Assumptions and Justifications

Thought of the Day - Assumptions and Justifications

Why do we do the things we do? We always have reasons but these don't, on close inspection, make much sense. We pretend to be intellectual, yet in essence we are creatures of instinct and impulse. We act on our feelings, and then we think up clever justifications for them. We should not fool ourselves that we have all the answers. We don't even have all the questions! We tend to act on a series of assumptions, some of which need to be challenged.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Three rats are sitting at the bar bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm heading back home to try and have sex with the cat."

more animal jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Lifespan

Thought of the Day - Lifespan

Butterflies have a very brief lifespan. The average butterfly lives about two weeks, a rare few can live almost a year - but there are some species that live only two days. Yet if you have ever watched a butterfly as it gracefully moves from flower to flower, you would never know that its time on earth was ticking away so rapidly. The butterfly focuses on each petal, each drop of nectar, and it gets the most out of every moment. We get caught up in a time-frame or a looming deadline. We want to accomplish something quickly and it isn't happening the way that we imagined. Stop judging the process by its progress, and start reveling in the experience itself.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. [In binary code, 10 means 2!]

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0!

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features!

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!

The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better." So, I installed Linux!

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila!

more computer jokes on GuyLife 

Thought of the Day - Start Over

Thought of the Day - Start Over

Sometimes it is easier to rebuild from a total calamity than it is to repair a minor bit of damage. That's because we can start all over. We have a blank canvas, so we can figure out what didn't work last time and take a fresh approach. We may now feel that a recent "failure" has left us in ruins. But ruins are inspiring. If we are surrounded by ruins, we have numerous possibilities. We clear the ruins, make a clearing and build from there. We can see clearly what didn't work, and we can try something new. This time, as we rebuild from a calamity, we will be stronger and more successful than ever.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Joke of the Day - Mother Knows Best

Joke of the Day - Mother Knows Best

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how John and his roommate Julie looked at each other. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious. By the end of the evening she was convinced there was more between them than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie went to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John."

The next day, John received a response from his mother that read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle that's been in her pillow since I left. Love, Mom."

more dating jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Do's and Don'ts

Thought of the Day - Do's and Don'ts

Don't scratch the itch. Don't intensify the argument. Don't put fuel on the fire of conflict. Don't nurse the grudge. Don't indulge the emotion. Don't dwell on the resentment. I know that's an awful lot of "don'ts". 

Here now, are some "do's" to balance them out. Do look on the bright side. Do be willing to forgive (but not to forget). Do seek a constructive way forward. Do let go and move on. Do expect heavenly help. 

Do all this... and what really needs to happen next in every area of our lives - will occur perfectly and naturally.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Joke of the Day - Boxing Jokes

Joke of the Day - Boxing Jokes


Knocked Around

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a boxer?

A: The boxer stands up to be knocked down. The woman lies down to be knocked up!


The Dead Boxer

A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."

more on boxing jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Darkest before dawn

Thought of the Day - Darkest before dawn

It's always darkest before the dawn. That's very simple wisdom, but we may be interpreting it in the wrong way. Because we have dealt with a difficulty that has seemed to get progressively worse, we may be starting to think that we haven't hit bottom yet. We may fear that something will continue to spiral downward - but it won't. We have already seen the worst of a certain situation in our lives, and it can only get better from here. We need to keep our chin up! The dawn is coming!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

To my wife:

When others thought it was good to abandon me and jumped at the first chance for easy, comfortable and greener pastures.

Back then, at best, I was just a meat bag with a name.

You Zeeba, with full knowledge, accepted me, bit the bullet, rolled up your sleeves and trousers, and jumped head first  into the mess that was my life. And been helping me clean it up one day at a time.

It's not been easy for you. Discovering and cleaning deep, dark negativity. But nonetheless you have kept pushing forward.

Yesterday is over but tomorrow is unwritten and an unchartered territory. But am not afraid of tomorrow as I know that you have my back.

Happy Valentine's Day and 16 years of togetherness.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Joke of the Day - Nymphomaniac

Joke of the Day - Nymphomaniac


Q: Why does a nymphomaniac wear underwear?
A: To keep her ankles warm.


Q: What's the difference between a nymphomaniac and a Rolls Royce?
A: Not everybody has been in a Rolls Royce.

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Identity Crisis

Thought of the Day - Identity Crisis

People usually use the phrase 'identity crisis' in a negative context. Yet, sometimes, a bout of self-doubt can be healthy. That's especially so if we have started to see ourselves as some kind of a loser... or if we have wrongly decided that we know where our limits lie. Just as we look odd in old clothes that no longer fit us, so we feel odd in habits we ought to have outgrown.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Joke Of The Day - You Again!

Joke Of The Day - You Again!

"I think the expression 'It's a small world' is really just a euphemism for 'I keep running into people I can't stand.'" - Brock Cohen

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Different Perspective

Thought of the Day - Different Perspective

Imagine for a moment that you are visiting a country inn. Your friends have told you about a marvelous view from a particular window, but they didn't tell you which window. They described the scene: a beautiful red barn next to a meandering stream. You look through the nearest window, but you don't see it. So that you can share the same experience, you move from one window to the next until you can see the barn and the stream. The same logic should apply when you can't see someone else's side of an argument. Try a different perspective with an ongoing debate, and you could reconcile a fractured relationship.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Stuffed

Joke Of The Day - Stuffed

"My parents used to stuff me with candy when I was a kid: M&Ms, jujubes, SweeTARTS. I don't think they wanted a child, I think they wanted a pinata." - Wendy Liebman

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Life Sentence

Thought of the Day - Life Sentence

Few things in this world ever seem to come to an end. Our stories, our dramas, our processes just trundle on relentlessly. There are some who say that to take up residence in a human body is to be given a life sentence. If so, it is a sentence with many commas and no full stops. Why, even the end itself is not really the end! So, are we now heading for a 'happy-ever-after'? No! Just a 'happy-for-the-time- being'. But time being what it is, that could last a surprisingly long while.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Joke of the Day - Russian Vodka

Joke of the Day - Russian Vodka

A broke Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned, and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall, and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.

The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!"

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Forest for the Trees or Trees for the forest

Thought of the Day - Forest for the Trees or Trees for the forest

We've heard it said that someone who is up close and personal with a situation isn't able to "see the forest for the trees." But with a certain issue we can't see the trees for the forest. We are concentrating on the big picture, and we are perhaps overlooking individual people or elements that are instrumental to solving a problem. Don't step back - move in closer instead. This is a situation where we need to be less objective and more involved. Once we get a sense of what others are feeling, we will know how to proceed.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Earn It

Joke Of The Day - Earn It

"We should pass a new law: Nobody can get famous just by sleeping with a celebrity and getting naked in a magazine. You have to make a contribution to society first. You can still be in Playboy, you just have to do something worthwhile beforehand. 'I developed a vaccine, and I'd like to show you my breasts.' Go ahead, you've earned it." - Elayne Boosler

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Life on TV

Thought of the day - Life on TV

Watching a film in a movie theater is a much different experience than watching it on the couch in our living rooms. In a theater, we face a gigantic screen, which makes us feel like we're a part of the imagery. We are also surrounded by sound - so much so that we can even feel the vibrations of the words and the music. When we let negative thoughts take over our minds, the experience is like being in a theater. It becomes real and involving. If we're suffering from worry, we need to envision our fears on a TV screen. Then picture ourselves walking up to it and turning it off. We are in control.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Joke of the Day - Three Guys in a Bed

Joke of the Day - Three Guys in a Bed

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.

In the morning, the guy on the right said, "I had this great dream last night that a girl gave me a hand job"

The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I."

Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dreamt I was skiing"

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Uncertainty

Thought of the Day - Uncertainty 

It's hard to comprehend what motivates others today and your lack of understanding could add extra stress to our relationships. We might not realize that we need more assurance than others can offer us right now. Although we think that we know what we want and how we're going to get it, another person's uncertainty stirs up our own confusion. Ultimately, we won't find the stability we seek from anyone else. Solutions come from within and only we will be able to ease your doubts.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Price Check

Joke Of The Day - Price Check

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries." - Jimmy Carr

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Play to win

Thought of the Day - Play to win

The odds against winning the lottery are astronomical, but there are people who win it every single day. Many of those people probably bought a ticket thinking that they would never see their numbers flash across the TV screen, making them millionaires. We are always considering  ventures that could have a really big payoff. In the back of our minds, we probably don't think it will succeed. It seems too good to be true. But if we don't try, we will surely fail. We have to play to win.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Joke of the Day - In-law Woes

Joke of the Day - In-law Woes

A newly-married cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said 'I'm anxious to do well and really smack this ball. That's my wife's mother over there.'

'Don't be silly,' said the wicket-keeper. 'This is a huge ground; you'll never be able to hit her.'

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Detachment

Thought of the Day - Detachment 

Whenever we stand back from a situation, we soon start to see it very differently. Things change their appearance when we find ourselves looking at them from the outside. But the process is highly instructive. We make our most useful discoveries when we put a little distance between ourselves and our problems. In a similar way, we can liberate ourselves from unhealthy obsessions. There are many things that we think we like, but which we might never miss if they were to leave our lives. A very helpful reality check.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Retirement Planning

Joke Of The Day - Retirement Planning

"In a nutshell, just be good and kind to your children, because not only are they the future of the world, they are the ones who can eventually sign you into a nursing home." - Dennis Miller

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Experience

Thought of the Day - Experience

There's always an explanation. The explanation, though, isn't always correct. Take ghosts, for example. The world is full of clever characters who think they know why so many of us see them. They can (and do) fill up books and internet sites with their scientific debunking of the subject. It all sounds very convincing, but it's almost like using logic to disprove the existence of love. Ultimately, our experiences will always be more real to us than our explanations. And rightly so. Our hearts know what is important and significant now. And the experience of being alive is what matters.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Been a while

Joke Of The Day - Been a while

"I don't understand why some guys get self-conscious when they buy condoms. I don't get embarrassed when I buy condoms; I get embarrassed when I throw them out after they expire."

-Jack Archey

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Say and Do

Thought of the Day - Say and Do

There is often a surprisingly big difference between what people say and what they actually do. But we don't like it when those inconsistencies are pointed out to us, and others are similarly prone to react badly when faced with tricky truths. We are inclined to mistrust a promise that someone is making. It is not that we doubt their integrity, more that we suspect that we can see a reality more clearly than they can. Making an allowance for this in our private plans but don't have to make a big song and dance about it.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Joke of the Day - Buy 1 Get 1 Free

Joke of the Day - Buy 1 Get 1 Free

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Asif Zardari. They decide to meet without any aides and are closeted for in a conference room for about 5 minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Zardaribhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo says.

Asif Zardari comes out and drops a bombshell, "Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!"

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to do in over 60 years!

"How did you do it, what did you promise," the press clamours.

"It’s all because of those ads I saw on TV,” says Laloo. " They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy washing machine. So, I said to Zardaribhai, 'You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free also!'"

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Difficult Road

Thought of the Day - Difficult Road

There's a way to get from A to B. It is obvious. But it is not ideal. It involves crossing tricky territory or incurring undesirable expense. So we're looking for another route. Is that feasible? In our hearts, we know the answer. We've somehow got to travel down the difficult road... and we must do our best to gain the co- operation of those who can help to make it more accessible. It may take negotiation to obtain co-operation. But surely it is better to hold an honest conversation than to keep up an impossible pretence.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Joke of the Day - The Definition of Politics

Joke of the Day - The Definition of Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And, your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep sh*t."

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Do unto others

Thought of the Day - Do unto others

Do as you would be done to. Don't (as many people rather sadly seem to do) do unto others what others have done unto you! Two wrongs never make a right. Bad behaviour is never a justification for more bad behaviour. We have a duty to set a standard that others can then recognise and aspire to. We can't do that if we are going to lower ourselves to the same regrettable level that some folk in our world seem to have sunk down to. Will that make our life difficult? No. That's fulfilling our highest potential.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Joke of the Day - Divorce Court Drama

Joke of the Day - Divorce Court Drama


The Judge asks the little girl, “Now that your parents are getting divorced, do you want to live with your mummy?

She replies saying, “No, my mummy beats me.”

“Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.” Once again, she replies saying, “No, my daddy beats me too.”

The judge is perplexed. “Well then, who do you want to live with?”

She immediately responds, “I want to live with the Indian Cricket team when they're touring; they never beat anybody!”

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Power

Thought of the Day - Power

There's always a lot of drama in our lives. We blame the drama others - someone who often brings friction into the picture. We're stressed out and worried, and we probably feel that our state of mind is due to the influence of this other person. But we need to be more objective. It may be that we're the one causing the drama. We're so worried about how a certain difficult situation will resolve that we've gotten ourselves all worked up. But if we recognize this, we can change it. It means that we're in control and we'll get our power back.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Joke of the Day - Think!

Joke of the Day - Think!

The captain of the Indian cricket team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking?”

The Umpire immediately says, "No."

The captain says, "Well in that case, we think you're an asshole."

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the day - Power

Thought of the day - Power

We are in a position of great power and this is not especially unusual. We are powerful people. Often, though, we ignore or deny this. We persuade ourselves that we have very few choices. We assume that others have the ability to tell us what we may or may not do. Every so often it dawns on us that we are in charge of our own destiny. At which point we become a little scared - for us realise that we have no-one to answer to but ourselves. That's really no reason for us to feel anxious or apprehensive!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Intelligent Design

Joke Of The Day - Intelligent Design

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." -Robin Williams

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Riddles

Thought of the Day - Riddles

If we feel like we're being confronted with a series of riddles, well, that could be because we are being confronted with a series of riddles. Did they really mean what they said? Or are they talking about something else entirely? And what is the meaning of life, anyway? We need to give ourselves time to contemplate these questions, but do our best not to let these puzzling puzzles drive us crazy. After all, not every puzzle is meant to be solved! Some are there just to remind us of the limits of our own capacities of comprehension.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Thought of the day - Never too late

Thought of the day - Never too late

It is never too late to learn from a mistake. Nor is it ever too late to apologise for a transgression. There is always something constructive that can happen, even if time cannot be turned back and deeds cannot be undone. But the longer we wait, the harder it gets. We become entrenched in the explanations and justifications that we have created to support whatever decision we came to. Someone, somewhere in our world now, would secretly like to back down and start afresh. Don't stand in their way.

Joke of the Day - Double Positive

Joke of the Day - Double Positive

A linguistics teacher was lecturing his English class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative."

A sarcastic voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

courtesy GuyLife

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Calling it Quits

Joke Of The Day - Calling it Quits

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.
"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!" his ex-wife replies.

The next day the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does the same thing everyday for a week, until finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.

"Look, bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story!" she erupts, "Don't you understand?"

"Oh, I do, I do," he says, "I just can't hear it enough!"

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of The Day - Dark Side

Thought of The Day - Dark Side

We can run from here to the end of the earth, but we can't escape our own shadow. If, though, we face a strong source of light, we can fix it so that our shadow always falls behind us. That way we can be gloriously oblivious of our own dark side, whilst everyone else is all too keenly conscious of it. By and large, it's far better to recognise the negative side of our personality, than to live in denial of its very existence. We have to own it before we can make amends for it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Adam & Eve

Joke Of The Day - Adam & Eve

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve," muses the Brit, "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees, "They're naked and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat and they're being told that it's paradise. They are definitely Russian."

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Poverty and Happiness

Thought of the Day - Poverty and Happiness

Some people live in mud huts, others have palaces. But no amount of wealth can prevent depression or alter the inevitability of death. And true poverty is not an empty purse; it is an empty heart. Poverty does not create unhappiness any more than wealth creates joy. All that comes courtesy of comparison and expectation. We should not look at what anyone else is thinking, feeling, saying or doing! But look only at what's in our heart. Then we will see how to become truly happy and why our life is wonderfully blessed.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Nutty Logic

Joke Of The Day - Nutty Logic

Two morons were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding was always reaching into his nail pouch, pulling out a nail, and either tossing it over his shoulder or nailing it in. The other nut, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in."

With this, the second moron became extremely upset and yelled, "You idiot! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Life without liberty is like a body without spirit

Thought of the day - Liberty

'Life without liberty is like a body without spirit.' Such quotations sound stirring but what is so great about liberty? Is not freedom of choice the very thing that leads to our own undoing? When we actually are at liberty to do as we please, do we not often waste our chance? Is the world not full of birds in cages where the door has been left open but the occupant is too frightened or unimaginative to fly out? Perhaps.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Dream a Little Dream

Joke Of The Day - Dream a Little Dream

Cindy was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she said to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?"

"You'll know tonight," her husband replied, smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the bells were chiming, Cindy's husband approached her and handed Cindy a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Mysteries

Thought of the Day - Mysteries

Sherlock Holmes has planted, in the mind of every would-be detective, the idea that all mysteries can eventually be solved. We forget that he is a fictional character and his exploits have been carefully engineered. We try to emulate him. We gather up our clues. We study our suspects. We weigh up motive and opportunity. But somehow we forget that real life is illogical. There is no sensible answer to the question we find ourselves contemplating. There is just a silly one. Accept that. It is still a good answer.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Joke of The Day - Nun The Better

Joke of The Day - Nun the Better

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand: "But we do need to know how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered, "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters -- they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Smith, "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Forgiveness

Thought of the day - Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not meant to reward or soothe the one that needs forgiving. We may believe that by forgiving we'll somehow tell this individual that it's all okay, and that he or she is off the hook. But that's not the case. By forgiving, we can move on and move forward toward better things. It doesn't really matter what the other person thinks; it matters only that our choice makes life easier and better for us.