Joke Of The Day - Onions

Joke Of The Day - Onions

A surgeon operating on a man slips and accidentally cuts off the patient's testicles. He quickly inserts two onions and sews him back up. One month later, the man goes back for a check-up.

"Any problems?" asks the surgeon.

"A few," explains the man. "I cry when I pee, my wife gets heartburn after sex and I get a hard-on when I see a cheese sandwich!"

courtesy AskMen

Joke Of The Day - Three Kinds

Joke Of The Day - Three Kinds

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they're like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they're like onions."

"Onions?" asks the boy.

"Yes," says the father, "you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriates his wife and daughter. In a snarky voice, the daughter asks, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"

The mother smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it's like an old Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks.

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

courtesy Ask Men