Joke of the Day - In-law Woes

Joke of the Day - In-law Woes

A newly-married cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said 'I'm anxious to do well and really smack this ball. That's my wife's mother over there.'

'Don't be silly,' said the wicket-keeper. 'This is a huge ground; you'll never be able to hit her.'

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Detachment

Thought of the Day - Detachment 

Whenever we stand back from a situation, we soon start to see it very differently. Things change their appearance when we find ourselves looking at them from the outside. But the process is highly instructive. We make our most useful discoveries when we put a little distance between ourselves and our problems. In a similar way, we can liberate ourselves from unhealthy obsessions. There are many things that we think we like, but which we might never miss if they were to leave our lives. A very helpful reality check.

Joke Of The Day - Retirement Planning

Joke Of The Day - Retirement Planning

"In a nutshell, just be good and kind to your children, because not only are they the future of the world, they are the ones who can eventually sign you into a nursing home." - Dennis Miller

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Experience

Thought of the Day - Experience

There's always an explanation. The explanation, though, isn't always correct. Take ghosts, for example. The world is full of clever characters who think they know why so many of us see them. They can (and do) fill up books and internet sites with their scientific debunking of the subject. It all sounds very convincing, but it's almost like using logic to disprove the existence of love. Ultimately, our experiences will always be more real to us than our explanations. And rightly so. Our hearts know what is important and significant now. And the experience of being alive is what matters.

Joke Of The Day - Been a while

Joke Of The Day - Been a while

"I don't understand why some guys get self-conscious when they buy condoms. I don't get embarrassed when I buy condoms; I get embarrassed when I throw them out after they expire."

-Jack Archey

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Say and Do

Thought of the Day - Say and Do

There is often a surprisingly big difference between what people say and what they actually do. But we don't like it when those inconsistencies are pointed out to us, and others are similarly prone to react badly when faced with tricky truths. We are inclined to mistrust a promise that someone is making. It is not that we doubt their integrity, more that we suspect that we can see a reality more clearly than they can. Making an allowance for this in our private plans but don't have to make a big song and dance about it.

Joke of the Day - Buy 1 Get 1 Free

Joke of the Day - Buy 1 Get 1 Free

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Asif Zardari. They decide to meet without any aides and are closeted for in a conference room for about 5 minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Zardaribhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo says.

Asif Zardari comes out and drops a bombshell, "Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!"

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to do in over 60 years!

"How did you do it, what did you promise," the press clamours.

"It’s all because of those ads I saw on TV,” says Laloo. " They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy washing machine. So, I said to Zardaribhai, 'You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free also!'"

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Difficult Road

Thought of the Day - Difficult Road

There's a way to get from A to B. It is obvious. But it is not ideal. It involves crossing tricky territory or incurring undesirable expense. So we're looking for another route. Is that feasible? In our hearts, we know the answer. We've somehow got to travel down the difficult road... and we must do our best to gain the co- operation of those who can help to make it more accessible. It may take negotiation to obtain co-operation. But surely it is better to hold an honest conversation than to keep up an impossible pretence.

Joke of the Day - The Definition of Politics

Joke of the Day - The Definition of Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And, your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep sh*t."

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Do unto others

Thought of the Day - Do unto others

Do as you would be done to. Don't (as many people rather sadly seem to do) do unto others what others have done unto you! Two wrongs never make a right. Bad behaviour is never a justification for more bad behaviour. We have a duty to set a standard that others can then recognise and aspire to. We can't do that if we are going to lower ourselves to the same regrettable level that some folk in our world seem to have sunk down to. Will that make our life difficult? No. That's fulfilling our highest potential.

Joke of the Day - Divorce Court Drama

Joke of the Day - Divorce Court Drama


The Judge asks the little girl, “Now that your parents are getting divorced, do you want to live with your mummy?

She replies saying, “No, my mummy beats me.”

“Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.” Once again, she replies saying, “No, my daddy beats me too.”

The judge is perplexed. “Well then, who do you want to live with?”

She immediately responds, “I want to live with the Indian Cricket team when they're touring; they never beat anybody!”

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Power

Thought of the Day - Power

There's always a lot of drama in our lives. We blame the drama others - someone who often brings friction into the picture. We're stressed out and worried, and we probably feel that our state of mind is due to the influence of this other person. But we need to be more objective. It may be that we're the one causing the drama. We're so worried about how a certain difficult situation will resolve that we've gotten ourselves all worked up. But if we recognize this, we can change it. It means that we're in control and we'll get our power back.

Joke of the Day - Think!

Joke of the Day - Think!

The captain of the Indian cricket team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking?”

The Umpire immediately says, "No."

The captain says, "Well in that case, we think you're an asshole."

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the day - Power

Thought of the day - Power

We are in a position of great power and this is not especially unusual. We are powerful people. Often, though, we ignore or deny this. We persuade ourselves that we have very few choices. We assume that others have the ability to tell us what we may or may not do. Every so often it dawns on us that we are in charge of our own destiny. At which point we become a little scared - for us realise that we have no-one to answer to but ourselves. That's really no reason for us to feel anxious or apprehensive!

Joke Of The Day - Intelligent Design

Joke Of The Day - Intelligent Design

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." -Robin Williams

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Riddles

Thought of the Day - Riddles

If we feel like we're being confronted with a series of riddles, well, that could be because we are being confronted with a series of riddles. Did they really mean what they said? Or are they talking about something else entirely? And what is the meaning of life, anyway? We need to give ourselves time to contemplate these questions, but do our best not to let these puzzling puzzles drive us crazy. After all, not every puzzle is meant to be solved! Some are there just to remind us of the limits of our own capacities of comprehension.

Thought of the day - Never too late

Thought of the day - Never too late

It is never too late to learn from a mistake. Nor is it ever too late to apologise for a transgression. There is always something constructive that can happen, even if time cannot be turned back and deeds cannot be undone. But the longer we wait, the harder it gets. We become entrenched in the explanations and justifications that we have created to support whatever decision we came to. Someone, somewhere in our world now, would secretly like to back down and start afresh. Don't stand in their way.

Joke of the Day - Double Positive

Joke of the Day - Double Positive

A linguistics teacher was lecturing his English class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative."

A sarcastic voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

courtesy GuyLife

Joke Of The Day - Calling it Quits

Joke Of The Day - Calling it Quits

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!" his ex-wife replies.

The next day the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does the same thing everyday for a week, until finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.

"Look, bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story!" she erupts, "Don't you understand?"

"Oh, I do, I do," he says, "I just can't hear it enough!"

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of The Day - Dark Side

Thought of The Day - Dark Side

We can run from here to the end of the earth, but we can't escape our own shadow. If, though, we face a strong source of light, we can fix it so that our shadow always falls behind us. That way we can be gloriously oblivious of our own dark side, whilst everyone else is all too keenly conscious of it. By and large, it's far better to recognise the negative side of our personality, than to live in denial of its very existence. We have to own it before we can make amends for it.

Joke Of The Day - Adam & Eve

Joke Of The Day - Adam & Eve

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve," muses the Brit, "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees, "They're naked and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat and they're being told that it's paradise. They are definitely Russian."

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Poverty and Happiness

Thought of the Day - Poverty and Happiness

Some people live in mud huts, others have palaces. But no amount of wealth can prevent depression or alter the inevitability of death. And true poverty is not an empty purse; it is an empty heart. Poverty does not create unhappiness any more than wealth creates joy. All that comes courtesy of comparison and expectation. We should not look at what anyone else is thinking, feeling, saying or doing! But look only at what's in our heart. Then we will see how to become truly happy and why our life is wonderfully blessed.

Joke Of The Day - Nutty Logic

Joke Of The Day - Nutty Logic

Two morons were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding was always reaching into his nail pouch, pulling out a nail, and either tossing it over his shoulder or nailing it in. The other nut, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in."

With this, the second moron became extremely upset and yelled, "You idiot! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Life without liberty is like a body without spirit

Thought of the day - Liberty

'Life without liberty is like a body without spirit.' Such quotations sound stirring but what is so great about liberty? Is not freedom of choice the very thing that leads to our own undoing? When we actually are at liberty to do as we please, do we not often waste our chance? Is the world not full of birds in cages where the door has been left open but the occupant is too frightened or unimaginative to fly out? Perhaps.

Joke Of The Day - Dream a Little Dream

Joke Of The Day - Dream a Little Dream

Cindy was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she said to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?"

"You'll know tonight," her husband replied, smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the bells were chiming, Cindy's husband approached her and handed Cindy a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Mysteries

Thought of the Day - Mysteries

Sherlock Holmes has planted, in the mind of every would-be detective, the idea that all mysteries can eventually be solved. We forget that he is a fictional character and his exploits have been carefully engineered. We try to emulate him. We gather up our clues. We study our suspects. We weigh up motive and opportunity. But somehow we forget that real life is illogical. There is no sensible answer to the question we find ourselves contemplating. There is just a silly one. Accept that. It is still a good answer.

Joke of The Day - Nun The Better

Joke of The Day - Nun the Better

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand: "But we do need to know how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered, "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters -- they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Smith, "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Forgiveness

Thought of the day - Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not meant to reward or soothe the one that needs forgiving. We may believe that by forgiving we'll somehow tell this individual that it's all okay, and that he or she is off the hook. But that's not the case. By forgiving, we can move on and move forward toward better things. It doesn't really matter what the other person thinks; it matters only that our choice makes life easier and better for us.