Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

courtesy AskMen

Joke Of The Day - Medical test Mix Up

Joke Of The Day - Medical test Mix Up

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech tells him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that news is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for herpes. We can't tell which one is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" he asked.

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

courtesy AskMen

Joke Of The Day - A Matter Of Time

Joke Of The Day - A Matter Of Time

A man walked into work late one morning and was immediately greeted by his boss.

"What time is it?" the boss asked, clearly annoyed.

"It's 10:33," the man replied.

"You didn't see anybody else strolling in at half-past 10 today, did you?" the boss asked.

"Of course not," the man answered, "I wasn't even here."

courtesy AskMen

Joke Of The Day - Heaven

Joke Of The Day - Heaven

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands, because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer," the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and responded, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny answered, "Well, I walked past Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God! I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, I reckon we'd have lost her."

The nun had to leave the room.

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - You Again!

Joke Of The Day - You Again!

"I think the expression 'It's a small world' is really just a euphemism for 'I keep running into people I can't stand.'" - Brock Cohen

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Stuffed

Joke Of The Day - Stuffed

"My parents used to stuff me with candy when I was a kid: M&Ms, jujubes, SweeTARTS. I don't think they wanted a child, I think they wanted a pinata." - Wendy Liebman

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Earn It

Joke Of The Day - Earn It

"We should pass a new law: Nobody can get famous just by sleeping with a celebrity and getting naked in a magazine. You have to make a contribution to society first. You can still be in Playboy, you just have to do something worthwhile beforehand. 'I developed a vaccine, and I'd like to show you my breasts.' Go ahead, you've earned it." - Elayne Boosler

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Price Check

Joke Of The Day - Price Check

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries." - Jimmy Carr

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Retirement Planning

Joke Of The Day - Retirement Planning

"In a nutshell, just be good and kind to your children, because not only are they the future of the world, they are the ones who can eventually sign you into a nursing home." - Dennis Miller

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Been a while

Joke Of The Day - Been a while

"I don't understand why some guys get self-conscious when they buy condoms. I don't get embarrassed when I buy condoms; I get embarrassed when I throw them out after they expire."

-Jack Archey

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Intelligent Design

Joke Of The Day - Intelligent Design

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." -Robin Williams

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Calling it Quits

Joke Of The Day - Calling it Quits

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!" his ex-wife replies.

The next day the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does the same thing everyday for a week, until finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.

"Look, bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story!" she erupts, "Don't you understand?"

"Oh, I do, I do," he says, "I just can't hear it enough!"

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Dream a Little Dream

Joke Of The Day - Dream a Little Dream

Cindy was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she said to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?"

"You'll know tonight," her husband replied, smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the bells were chiming, Cindy's husband approached her and handed Cindy a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams.

courtesy Ask Men

Joke of The Day - Nun The Better

Joke of The Day - Nun the Better

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand: "But we do need to know how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered, "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters -- they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Smith, "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

courtesy Ask Men

Joke Of The Day - Blonde Deputy

Joke Of The Day - Blonde Deputy

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to interview for the job.

"OK," the sheriff drawled, "What is one plus one?"

"Eleven," replied the blonde.

The sheriff thought to himself: "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then he asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow," replied the blonde.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?" asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted: "I don't know."

The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her friends were waiting to hear the results of the interview. "How did it go?" they asked.

"It went great!" the blonde exclaimed. "First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

courtesy Ask Men

Joke of the Day - Geography Question

Joke Of The Day

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading. 

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher said: "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude. Where would I be eating?"

After a confused silence, little Johnny put up his hand and replied: "My guess is you'd be eating alone!"

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