Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Chris Rock was voted the 5th funniest comedian of all time by Comedy Central, and for good reason too. Over the years, his brand of 'in your face' comedy has pushed racial, cultural and political boundaries. As he turns 47, here's a look back at some of his best stand-up comedy sets. 

visit GuyLife for 5 Hilarious Chris Rock Jokes.

Warning: Profanity and NSFW Language!


Thought of the Day - Assumptions and Justifications

Thought of the Day - Assumptions and Justifications

Why do we do the things we do? We always have reasons but these don't, on close inspection, make much sense. We pretend to be intellectual, yet in essence we are creatures of instinct and impulse. We act on our feelings, and then we think up clever justifications for them. We should not fool ourselves that we have all the answers. We don't even have all the questions! We tend to act on a series of assumptions, some of which need to be challenged.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Three rats are sitting at the bar bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm heading back home to try and have sex with the cat."

more animal jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Lifespan

Thought of the Day - Lifespan

Butterflies have a very brief lifespan. The average butterfly lives about two weeks, a rare few can live almost a year - but there are some species that live only two days. Yet if you have ever watched a butterfly as it gracefully moves from flower to flower, you would never know that its time on earth was ticking away so rapidly. The butterfly focuses on each petal, each drop of nectar, and it gets the most out of every moment. We get caught up in a time-frame or a looming deadline. We want to accomplish something quickly and it isn't happening the way that we imagined. Stop judging the process by its progress, and start reveling in the experience itself.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. [In binary code, 10 means 2!]

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0!

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features!

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!

The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better." So, I installed Linux!

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila!

more computer jokes on GuyLife 

Thought of the Day - Start Over

Thought of the Day - Start Over

Sometimes it is easier to rebuild from a total calamity than it is to repair a minor bit of damage. That's because we can start all over. We have a blank canvas, so we can figure out what didn't work last time and take a fresh approach. We may now feel that a recent "failure" has left us in ruins. But ruins are inspiring. If we are surrounded by ruins, we have numerous possibilities. We clear the ruins, make a clearing and build from there. We can see clearly what didn't work, and we can try something new. This time, as we rebuild from a calamity, we will be stronger and more successful than ever.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Joke of the Day - Mother Knows Best

Joke of the Day - Mother Knows Best

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how John and his roommate Julie looked at each other. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious. By the end of the evening she was convinced there was more between them than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie went to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John."

The next day, John received a response from his mother that read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle that's been in her pillow since I left. Love, Mom."

more dating jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Do's and Don'ts

Thought of the Day - Do's and Don'ts

Don't scratch the itch. Don't intensify the argument. Don't put fuel on the fire of conflict. Don't nurse the grudge. Don't indulge the emotion. Don't dwell on the resentment. I know that's an awful lot of "don'ts". 

Here now, are some "do's" to balance them out. Do look on the bright side. Do be willing to forgive (but not to forget). Do seek a constructive way forward. Do let go and move on. Do expect heavenly help. 

Do all this... and what really needs to happen next in every area of our lives - will occur perfectly and naturally.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Joke of the Day - Boxing Jokes

Joke of the Day - Boxing Jokes


Knocked Around

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a boxer?

A: The boxer stands up to be knocked down. The woman lies down to be knocked up!


The Dead Boxer

A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."

more on boxing jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Darkest before dawn

Thought of the Day - Darkest before dawn

It's always darkest before the dawn. That's very simple wisdom, but we may be interpreting it in the wrong way. Because we have dealt with a difficulty that has seemed to get progressively worse, we may be starting to think that we haven't hit bottom yet. We may fear that something will continue to spiral downward - but it won't. We have already seen the worst of a certain situation in our lives, and it can only get better from here. We need to keep our chin up! The dawn is coming!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

To my wife:

When others thought it was good to abandon me and jumped at the first chance for easy, comfortable and greener pastures.

Back then, at best, I was just a meat bag with a name.

You Zeeba, with full knowledge, accepted me, bit the bullet, rolled up your sleeves and trousers, and jumped head first  into the mess that was my life. And been helping me clean it up one day at a time.

It's not been easy for you. Discovering and cleaning deep, dark negativity. But nonetheless you have kept pushing forward.

Yesterday is over but tomorrow is unwritten and an unchartered territory. But am not afraid of tomorrow as I know that you have my back.

Happy Valentine's Day and 16 years of togetherness.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Joke of the Day - Nymphomaniac

Joke of the Day - Nymphomaniac


Q: Why does a nymphomaniac wear underwear?
A: To keep her ankles warm.


Q: What's the difference between a nymphomaniac and a Rolls Royce?
A: Not everybody has been in a Rolls Royce.

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Identity Crisis

Thought of the Day - Identity Crisis

People usually use the phrase 'identity crisis' in a negative context. Yet, sometimes, a bout of self-doubt can be healthy. That's especially so if we have started to see ourselves as some kind of a loser... or if we have wrongly decided that we know where our limits lie. Just as we look odd in old clothes that no longer fit us, so we feel odd in habits we ought to have outgrown.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Joke Of The Day - You Again!

Joke Of The Day - You Again!

"I think the expression 'It's a small world' is really just a euphemism for 'I keep running into people I can't stand.'" - Brock Cohen

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Different Perspective

Thought of the Day - Different Perspective

Imagine for a moment that you are visiting a country inn. Your friends have told you about a marvelous view from a particular window, but they didn't tell you which window. They described the scene: a beautiful red barn next to a meandering stream. You look through the nearest window, but you don't see it. So that you can share the same experience, you move from one window to the next until you can see the barn and the stream. The same logic should apply when you can't see someone else's side of an argument. Try a different perspective with an ongoing debate, and you could reconcile a fractured relationship.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Stuffed

Joke Of The Day - Stuffed

"My parents used to stuff me with candy when I was a kid: M&Ms, jujubes, SweeTARTS. I don't think they wanted a child, I think they wanted a pinata." - Wendy Liebman

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Life Sentence

Thought of the Day - Life Sentence

Few things in this world ever seem to come to an end. Our stories, our dramas, our processes just trundle on relentlessly. There are some who say that to take up residence in a human body is to be given a life sentence. If so, it is a sentence with many commas and no full stops. Why, even the end itself is not really the end! So, are we now heading for a 'happy-ever-after'? No! Just a 'happy-for-the-time- being'. But time being what it is, that could last a surprisingly long while.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Joke of the Day - Russian Vodka

Joke of the Day - Russian Vodka

A broke Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned, and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall, and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.

The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!"

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Forest for the Trees or Trees for the forest

Thought of the Day - Forest for the Trees or Trees for the forest

We've heard it said that someone who is up close and personal with a situation isn't able to "see the forest for the trees." But with a certain issue we can't see the trees for the forest. We are concentrating on the big picture, and we are perhaps overlooking individual people or elements that are instrumental to solving a problem. Don't step back - move in closer instead. This is a situation where we need to be less objective and more involved. Once we get a sense of what others are feeling, we will know how to proceed.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Earn It

Joke Of The Day - Earn It

"We should pass a new law: Nobody can get famous just by sleeping with a celebrity and getting naked in a magazine. You have to make a contribution to society first. You can still be in Playboy, you just have to do something worthwhile beforehand. 'I developed a vaccine, and I'd like to show you my breasts.' Go ahead, you've earned it." - Elayne Boosler

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the day - Life on TV

Thought of the day - Life on TV

Watching a film in a movie theater is a much different experience than watching it on the couch in our living rooms. In a theater, we face a gigantic screen, which makes us feel like we're a part of the imagery. We are also surrounded by sound - so much so that we can even feel the vibrations of the words and the music. When we let negative thoughts take over our minds, the experience is like being in a theater. It becomes real and involving. If we're suffering from worry, we need to envision our fears on a TV screen. Then picture ourselves walking up to it and turning it off. We are in control.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Joke of the Day - Three Guys in a Bed

Joke of the Day - Three Guys in a Bed

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.

In the morning, the guy on the right said, "I had this great dream last night that a girl gave me a hand job"

The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I."

Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dreamt I was skiing"

courtesy Guy Life

Thought of the Day - Uncertainty

Thought of the Day - Uncertainty 

It's hard to comprehend what motivates others today and your lack of understanding could add extra stress to our relationships. We might not realize that we need more assurance than others can offer us right now. Although we think that we know what we want and how we're going to get it, another person's uncertainty stirs up our own confusion. Ultimately, we won't find the stability we seek from anyone else. Solutions come from within and only we will be able to ease your doubts.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Joke Of The Day - Price Check

Joke Of The Day - Price Check

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries." - Jimmy Carr

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Play to win

Thought of the Day - Play to win

The odds against winning the lottery are astronomical, but there are people who win it every single day. Many of those people probably bought a ticket thinking that they would never see their numbers flash across the TV screen, making them millionaires. We are always considering  ventures that could have a really big payoff. In the back of our minds, we probably don't think it will succeed. It seems too good to be true. But if we don't try, we will surely fail. We have to play to win.