Thursday, February 24, 2011

Love, Sex and Marriage - Jilted in Love #3

I was going to type 3 separate posts but decided to make it one.

This post is about three guys that were jilted. Yes! Guys! It's not only women that always face the short end of the stick.

All 3 stories being similar. The feelings, emotions and thoughts - are all the same. I cried while listening to them and cried even more while keying this. Heartbreaks are always sad and even more so when it comes out of the blue when you least expect it.

Three happily in love couples, no issues between them whatsoever. Three nice guys, madly in love, and then one day: Crash! Boom! Bang, and their world falls apart!

Hearts ripped out from their bodies, stomped and left to dogs to relish on. Sad but true! I feel for all three of them - one, really close to me; the other, a friend; and the third, an acquaintance. First one was ditched because of no apparent reason, the second was left languishing as his ex realised love was not enough, and the third wanted a more settled guy who would fulfill all her needs and wanted her family to be happy too. Two stories are two years old and one is current. They say, “Time heals all”. But I still see the pain, hurt, and agony as fresh and deep as it was as the day their lives came crumbling down. Time just makes the pain a bit less and bearable. Time makes us used to living with it. Time just gives a false sense of protection. Beneath the surface it's a volcano ready to erupt at the slightest hint.

Being a Libran, I am pretty fair and unbiased. But at the same time extremely emotional. I have tried to understand the ‘whats’ and ‘whys’ of their disposition. But it flummoxes me every time I think about it. I do not see any plausible reason why 3 currently torn guys could not have been 3 happy couples. Hopes of marriage, a great family and happy fun-filled joyous future. Now, just memories and thoughts. Some good and happy but mostly gut or I would say heart wrenching.

Guy #1

So Guy #1, let's call him Bob. He was the one left stranded for no apparent reason. He still can't get over it. His mind is totally messed up right now. The past year has not really been the best for him. But his relationship kept him strong, stable and sane. He was in a relationship for close to 3 years. His lady love had been away the past year for higher studies. They were pretty serious and had discussed marriage. Bob was looking forward to her return so that they could finalise the wedding plans. He was very excited and eager. I remember we discussed some gift option that he would present to her at the airport and formally propose to her.

Bob did propose to her and was shocked and confused when she said "We need to talk about it". Shocked because he was expecting a "Yes". Confused because he didn't know what more was needed to be discussed. As they had pretty much discussed it all.

To keep things short. She had a sudden change of heart. But I think otherwise. She was having far too much fun abroad to actually settle down with Bob. The poor guy has been nursing a broken heart and dreams. Initially he was torn apart but he bounced back real quick. OK, it did take quite a lot of alcohol & crying sessions over 4-6 weeks. In fact he's happier now than he was with her. Suddenly he's come alive. He is like the Bob I never knew. He was shy and quiet, I'd even go to the extent to say non-descript. But now! He is a totally out and out kinda guy. Happy-go-lucky. But I know what dark, morose feelings are there inside.

Well she did try to get back with him, but he showed her the finger. I personally think she's a major bitch, though I do not know her at all. I do not have any issues with her having second thoughts but keeping Bob disillusioned for this long? Giving him false hopes? Anyways she can go to hell. And when I meet her then, I will laugh at her face.

Guy #2

Hmmm... lets call him Chris and her Evelyn. They were dating for about 4 years. They made a really gorgeous couple. I would not say that they were in love but definitely were into each other. (Hey no carnal thoughts!!) They were a fun couple to be around, but (yeah there's always a But) from different backgrounds. Her lifestyle was altogether different from all of us let alone Chris', who was fairly well off. I always thought that they were not meant to be and did tell Chris about it in their early days of dating. But you know how it is right - Raging hormones and all. Anyways as long as he was or rather they were happy I didn't really bother.

A couple of years into their relationship, Evelyn's parents started putting pressure on her to get married. Her parents didn't know about Chris. Well they knew him but didn't know they were in a relationship. So now the pressure was on Chris. Well he had no doubt about marrying her. And she wanted to marry him too. Chris had just started work. Was independent and not living off his family business. He wanted to be a self-made man. This is where Evelyn had an issue. She didn't quite understand why Chris wanted to do it on his own when he could fall back on his family.

So here's where it started getting interesting...

A few months later, Evelyn informed her parents about their relationship. Chris spoke with her parents and explained to them the situation and he was intent on making his life on his own. Somehow her parents didn't like the idea of him working and had an issue if he would be able to take care of her as well as provide her with the luxuries she was accustomed to. Her father was a successful businessman and was not happy with the idea that his daughter may have to work after marriage. So her father gave Chris an ultimatum that if he wanted to marry Evelyn he should go back to his family business.

So, we all friends spent quite a few days and nights with Chris and Evelyn on what they were going to do. Chris was sure, he would not go back to the family business and he wanted to marry Evelyn. By then Evelyn had come around that she wanted to marry him and he did not have to work with the family. Chris decided he would leave the country to increase his earnings and she decided that she would follow him a few months later. It was decided they both wanted to marry each other come what may. Evelyn promised Chris that he was the one she wanted to marry and live the rest of her life with. She didn't tell her parents that Chris was going to go abroad. In the meantime they were getting proposals for her. They thought she called it off with Chris.

Chris in the meantime had packed up and left. Got himself a good job. And in the 9 months since he first left, he did visit home a few times. Both discussed marriage plans for the following year. Chris would once again approach her parents and ask for her hand in marriage else they would elope. All set.

Suddenly 2-3 months later, Chris gets a call from Evelyn. She informs him that she thought about them again and she realized that she was not willing to compromise on her lifestyle and that she could not marry him. (Hold on a bit here comes the juicy bit) Also, she said that she had found someone who could provide her with the lifestyle.


I can't even imagine what must have gone through Chris' mind then. All his hopes and dreams literally shattered in that one call. He was busy creating a future for them, left home, left the country, left family and friends behind just so that he could earn shit loads of money. (For whom? For Her!) And this is what he got in return. He was devastated. We asked him to come home for a bit, but he didn't. A couple of us immediately visited Chris and spent a few days with him. He was a sight to pity. His house was in a mess. He was drinking himself silly every evening. He was so lost and gone that he even hired 'call girls' every week. Whatever he had saved he blew it all up in the next 3 months. He didn't visit home for a year. Cut himself off from everyone barring a couple of friends. I remember how he would cry on the phone, totally drunk and out of his mind. We were surprised he managed to hold onto his job. Chris had a couple of friends there who did take care of him. We were not sorry for him but were very sad. It's been 2 years now and Chris is as normal as he can be. Only the few who know Chris really well know that he's not the same. He's totally closed himself off emotionally. We try not to discuss Evelyn but we have common friends, and every time her name comes up, we can see tears build up in his eyes. He has tried dating in the recent past. But he says he just can't connect with them emotionally and he may never be able to connect with any woman. (One less good guy lost to the selfish, greedy, bad world)

Most of us have totally cut off from Evelyn. I do not think we ever will speak with someone so heartless and insensitive. She didn't give Chris a chance to prove himself. What kind of a person would break someone's heart for their own selfish needs? Chris could provide, OK not necessarily two holidays in a year but definitely one. To people at large, Chris seems totally normal. Well, he is! But now there is this darkness, hatred, harshness, insecurity and pessimism too, in him.  We know he'll never be the same.

Guy #3

He calls himself King of England, as England has no King I'm going to call him Charles and his lady love Bambino. Well I was going to key this in but Charles said that he wanted to write it. So we'll hear from him with real emotions and feelings in the next post. A quick background about his status: Both Charles and Bambino were madly in love with each other. If at all a couple I'd say were made for each other or soulmates, I'd say Charles and Bambino were that couple. They dated for two years. Discussed marriage, kids, and a wonderful future together. And then, she dropped the bomb on him. That she was going to marry another man because she wanted to be happy and her parents would be happy. (hold on hold on…) And, that he should forget her. And not once did she ask him what he would do with his life or how would he cope and live without her. (Damn you parents. I thought you wanted your children to be happy and not obligated to you)

Well, not going to disclose anymore. Will let the man do the talking… in the next post.

Isn't it amazing how easy it is for people to break another's heart and yet carry on happily with their lives? How people make decisions which potentially can destroy another's life? How people can make life altering choices, for themselves and others, without an iota of thought about the other? What kind of a world do we live in?

Do let me know your thoughts.



  1. We need an antidote for love...better still erradicate it

  2. If I am not mistaken in identifying, then my heart goes out to Chris. He's a great guy and should open up again. "Chris", if you're reading like you've never been hurt, b/c you are totally worth it and deserve to be so happy!!

  3. @kanchan .. ;-) I love him to bits..