Joke Of The Day - Full of Bull

Joke Of The Day

A little farm boy comes in late for school. The teacher asks why he's late and the farm boy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbor's to get her bred by a bull.

Annoyed, the teacher demands: "Can't your father do that?"

The little farm boy thinks for a moment and replies: "Well, sure... but the bull can do it better."

courtesy AskMen

Thought of the day - Reflection

Thought of the Day

They say that the invention of the wheel spelled the beginning of the modern world. Some might beg to differ. Far more revolutionary must have been the invention of the mirror. Prior to that if you wanted to see yourself, you would have to find a lake or a puddle on a still calm day. Now, suddenly, these tyrannical pieces of glass meant that we couldn't get away from a vivid (and perhaps sometimes too stark) reminder of our appearance. Don't let a reflection undermine our confidence. It isn't very accurate or fair.

Thought of the Day - Balls and Chains

Thought of the Day

We can be free of a restriction if we want to be... and we should not feel that the best we can hope for is being able to 'learn to live' with a difficulty. Sometimes, for very good reasons, we can consciously decide to accept a limitation in our life, for a while at least. The important thing is that whatever we do next, we do it out of choice, not just sheer obligation.

Joke of the Day - Kinky on the Mile High Club

Joke of the Day

Three men were trying to guess the professions of the three women they'd each been on dates with the previous evening, judging by how they had performed in the bedroom.

The first insisted that his date had been a nurse, because she said, "Lie back and relax. This won't hurt a bit."

The second concluded that his must have been a school teacher, because she had said, "Do it over and over until you get it right."

The third figured that his date must have been a flight attendant, because all she had said was, "Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally."

courtesy GuyLife

Joke Of The Day - Stowaway

Joke Of The Day

A young woman is on the Brooklyn Bridge, about to commit suicide. A sailor sees her as she is about to jump and shouts: "Wait! Don't do it! I'm leaving on a ship to Europe. I'll sneak you on board so that you can come with me and start all over!"

"OK, I guess so," the woman says.

So he sneaks her on board and stows her away. Every night he brings her food and they have sex all night long. This goes on for three weeks.

One day, the captain stumbles across her in her hiding place. "What are you doing on board?" he demands.

"Well, I have an agreement with one of your crewmen," she explains. "He is taking me to Europe. Every night he brings me food and then we screw."

"You certainly are being screwed," said the captain. "this is the Staten Island Ferry!"

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of the Day - Circles

Thought of the Day

'There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza...' In the old folk song, Henry complains. Liza tells him to fix it. Henry asks 'How?' Liza says 'Use Straw'. Henry says 'The straw needs cutting. Liza says 'Use an axe' Henry says 'The axe is blunt' Liza says 'Sharpen it.' Henry says 'But the stone is dry' Liza says 'Wet it.' Henry says, 'How will I get the water?' Liza says 'In a bucket.' Henry says... 'But there's a hole in my bucket.' But we are not Henry. Or Liza. And we don't have to go round in circles.

Joke of the Day - Handsome Hubby

Joke of the Day

On the way home from a party, a wife said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible you are to women?"

The husband is very flattered, "Why no, I don't think you have."

To which the wife said, "Then what in the hell gave you that idea at the party?"

courtesy Guy Life