Joke Of The Day - I Like The Way You're Thinking

Joke Of The Day

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" she asked.

"None," replied Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

courtesy Ask Men

Joke of the Day - Why It's Great To Be A Man

Joke Of The Day

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. The garage is all yours.

3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

4. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

5. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

6. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

7. The world is your urinal.

8. Wrinkles add character.

9. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

10. One mood, all the time.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of The Day - Think Rich

Thought of The Day

'Think of ourselves as rich,' they say, 'and wealth will make its way to us.' It is not, of course, quite so simple. But there is an element of truth in this advice. Certainly, if we focus only on how poor we feel, we will become more conscious of our limitations than of our opportunities. We can say much the same about love and companionship. Those who feel that they have plenty to give are rarely short of someone to give it to.

Thought of the Day - Lost Out

Thought of the Day

We have lost something, or lost out on something. We feel a burdensome sense of loss. We feel that we have missed out on or screwed up a wonderful opportunity. But we did what we could do with what we had at that time. In other words, we did our best. And all is not lost anyway. Remember the story of Cinderella? She had to leave the ball before her gown returned to rags and her coach returned to a pumpkin. But the prince found her anyway because she'd lost her shoe. When she lost that shoe, she probably felt foolish, but it all worked out for the best.

Joke of the Day - Full of Bull

Joke Of The Day

A husband and a wife were going to a costume party. He was dressed as a bull and she was a heifer (young female cow). On the way to the party, their car ran out of gas. As they were walking to the gas station, they decided to take a shortcut through a field.

All of a sudden a bull came charging up.

"Oh no," cried the wife. "What are we going to do?"

"Well honey," replied the husband, "I'm going to bend over and act like I'm grazing. I suggest you brace yourself."

courtesy Ask Men

Thought of The Day - Opportunities and Challenges

Thought of The Day

Sometimes, the planets bring us opportunities. Sometimes, they bring us challenges. Sometimes, they bring us choices and alternatives. They don't say, 'Things must be this way for you.' They say, 'What do you want? What would you like?' We don't always know how to answer. We may feel too despondent, disempowered, disillusioned or deluded to even know how to make a decision. If that's the case, then we should ask for clarity. First, invite the universe to show us what's needed. Then we'll see how to get it.

Joke Of The Day - Moon and Wife

Joke Of The Day

A teacher is talking about marriage.

"What kind of wife would you like, Tommy?" she asks.

"One like the Moon," says Tommy.

"Do you want her to be calm and beautiful?" asks the teacher.

"No, I want her to come at night and disappear in the morning."

courtesy Ask Men