Joke Of The Day - Rubber Gloves

Joke Of The Day - Rubber Gloves

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves.

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said: "No, I don't have any idea."

"Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walks around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

She didn't laugh one bit.

Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just figured out how they must make condoms!"

more Dentist Jokes on GuyLife

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

More Jokes about Airplanes on GuyLife

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years."

"Yeah," she replied,"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds 50 years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My n*ppl*s are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

courtesy GuyLife

Joke Of The Day - Supermarket Fishing

Joke Of The Day - Supermarket Fishing

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the large trout also."

"Why's that?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take the big trout. That's what she'd like for dinner tonight."

more fishing jokes on GuyLife

Joke of The Day - IPL

Joke of The Day - IPL 

Girls & Boys

Teacher: Children, can you name 2 things that young Indian boys and girls absolutely love in the springtime?

Pappu: IPL for the boys and the i-pill for the girls!


Movie Mania
Q. What is former KKR captain Sourav Ganguly's favorite movie?

A. Gone in 60 seconds.

More IPL and cricket jokes on Guy Life 

Joke Of The Day - Knock Knock

Joke Of The Day - Knock Knock

Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside.

When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked. There was no answer.

He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer.

Finally, he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, "Who’s there?"

More Astronaut Jokes on GuyLife

Joke Of The Day - Tight Skirts

Joke Of The Day - Tight Skirts

A woman tried to board a bus but her skirt was so tight that she couldn't make the step up.

So she reached behind her, lowered her zip and tried again. Still the skirt was too tight. So again she reached behind her, lowered her zip a little more and tried to negotiate the step. But still the skirt was too tight.

Determined to catch this bus, she once more reached behind her, lowered the zip a little and attempted to climb aboard. Then suddenly she felt two hands on her butt, helping her on to the bus.

She turned around angrily and told the man behind her: "Sir, I don't know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner."

The man replied: "Lady, I don't know you well enough for you to unzip my fly three times either!"

more Jokes on Fashion on GuyLife

Joke of The Day - The Japanese Banking Crisis

Joke of The Day - The Japanese Banking Crisis

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it's getting worse.

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

More Jokes on Banks on GuyLife

Joke of The Day - Speedy Scooter

Joke of The Day - Speedy Scooter

A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car.

Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter.

A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little miffed that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up.

He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche.

After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and asked how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter.

The injured man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror!"

more car jokes on Guy Life

Joke of The Day - Screw Up The Cooking

Joke of The Day - Screw Up The Cooking

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.

But one day the chef ran out of meat, and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there were no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place.

At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup.

During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delight that the soup tasted extremely good, and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament and how he used mutton from the sheep instead. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces.

The chef asked, "What's the matter boys, did I screw up the cooking?"

"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the screwing."

more Chef jokes on GuyLife

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Chris Rock was voted the 5th funniest comedian of all time by Comedy Central, and for good reason too. Over the years, his brand of 'in your face' comedy has pushed racial, cultural and political boundaries. As he turns 47, here's a look back at some of his best stand-up comedy sets. 

visit GuyLife for 5 Hilarious Chris Rock Jokes.

Warning: Profanity and NSFW Language!

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Three rats are sitting at the bar bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm heading back home to try and have sex with the cat."

more animal jokes on GuyLife

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. [In binary code, 10 means 2!]

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0!

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features!

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!

The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better." So, I installed Linux!

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila!

more computer jokes on GuyLife 

Joke of the Day - Boxing Jokes

Joke of the Day - Boxing Jokes

Knocked Around

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a boxer?

A: The boxer stands up to be knocked down. The woman lies down to be knocked up!


The Dead Boxer

A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."

more on boxing jokes on GuyLife

Joke of the Day - Nymphomaniac

Joke of the Day - Nymphomaniac

Q: Why does a nymphomaniac wear underwear?
A: To keep her ankles warm.


Q: What's the difference between a nymphomaniac and a Rolls Royce?
A: Not everybody has been in a Rolls Royce.

courtesy Guy Life

Joke of the Day - Russian Vodka

Joke of the Day - Russian Vodka

A broke Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned, and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall, and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.

The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!"

courtesy Guy Life

Joke of the Day - Three Guys in a Bed

Joke of the Day - Three Guys in a Bed

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.

In the morning, the guy on the right said, "I had this great dream last night that a girl gave me a hand job"

The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I."

Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dreamt I was skiing"

courtesy Guy Life

Joke of the Day - In-law Woes

Joke of the Day - In-law Woes

A newly-married cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said 'I'm anxious to do well and really smack this ball. That's my wife's mother over there.'

'Don't be silly,' said the wicket-keeper. 'This is a huge ground; you'll never be able to hit her.'

courtesy Guy Life

Joke of the Day - Buy 1 Get 1 Free

Joke of the Day - Buy 1 Get 1 Free

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Asif Zardari. They decide to meet without any aides and are closeted for in a conference room for about 5 minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Zardaribhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo says.

Asif Zardari comes out and drops a bombshell, "Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!"

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to do in over 60 years!

"How did you do it, what did you promise," the press clamours.

"It’s all because of those ads I saw on TV,” says Laloo. " They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy washing machine. So, I said to Zardaribhai, 'You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free also!'"

courtesy Guy Life

Joke of the Day - The Definition of Politics

Joke of the Day - The Definition of Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And, your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep sh*t."

courtesy Guy Life