Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

More Jokes about Airplanes on GuyLife

Thought of the day - Questions???

Thought of the day - Questions???

If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, be good. But what if you can't tell what truly constitutes good, bad, careful or careless? What if your sense of perspective is distorted? Actually, we can stop right there. People who suspect that they may have their priorities mixed up, usually turn out to have them in good order. It's the folk who don't question themselves that we need to worry about. There's never anything good about arrogance. But be humble, and you can make a very wise choice.

Joke Of The Day - Onions

Joke Of The Day - Onions

A surgeon operating on a man slips and accidentally cuts off the patient's testicles. He quickly inserts two onions and sews him back up. One month later, the man goes back for a check-up.

"Any problems?" asks the surgeon.

"A few," explains the man. "I cry when I pee, my wife gets heartburn after sex and I get a hard-on when I see a cheese sandwich!"

courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Choice and Acceptance

Thought Of The Day - Choice and Acceptance

Time is rather like the ocean. We are rather like little boats, cast adrift on those great waves. We have no option other than to go with the flow. No matter how many sails we put up or engines we fire up, we cannot go in another direction. Nor can we speed up our progress. What choice do we have? One. One very big important choice. We can choose whether to feel okay about a situation we can't change or whether to resent it. Acceptance is the key to greater buoyancy and smoother sailing in our lives.

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years."

"Yeah," she replied,"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds 50 years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My n*ppl*s are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

courtesy GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Moments

Thought Of The Day - Moments

When we stop to think about how lucky we are to be alive, and how short our time tends to be, it becomes clear that every moment is too precious to waste. Yet some moments just don't feel so special. All we can think about are our troubles, our obligations or our reasons to feel resentful. Even worse are the moments when we feel full neither of something good nor something bad. We just feel somehow flat or empty. When such times come, we must let them go. And remind ourselves of what life can feel like at its best.

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

courtesy AskMen