Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Joke of the Day - Chris Rock Jokes

Chris Rock was voted the 5th funniest comedian of all time by Comedy Central, and for good reason too. Over the years, his brand of 'in your face' comedy has pushed racial, cultural and political boundaries. As he turns 47, here's a look back at some of his best stand-up comedy sets. 

visit GuyLife for 5 Hilarious Chris Rock Jokes.

Warning: Profanity and NSFW Language!

Thought of the Day - Assumptions and Justifications

Thought of the Day - Assumptions and Justifications

Why do we do the things we do? We always have reasons but these don't, on close inspection, make much sense. We pretend to be intellectual, yet in essence we are creatures of instinct and impulse. We act on our feelings, and then we think up clever justifications for them. We should not fool ourselves that we have all the answers. We don't even have all the questions! We tend to act on a series of assumptions, some of which need to be challenged.

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Joke of the Day - Bragging Rats

Three rats are sitting at the bar bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm heading back home to try and have sex with the cat."

more animal jokes on GuyLife

Thought of the Day - Lifespan

Thought of the Day - Lifespan

Butterflies have a very brief lifespan. The average butterfly lives about two weeks, a rare few can live almost a year - but there are some species that live only two days. Yet if you have ever watched a butterfly as it gracefully moves from flower to flower, you would never know that its time on earth was ticking away so rapidly. The butterfly focuses on each petal, each drop of nectar, and it gets the most out of every moment. We get caught up in a time-frame or a looming deadline. We want to accomplish something quickly and it isn't happening the way that we imagined. Stop judging the process by its progress, and start reveling in the experience itself.

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

Joke of the Day - Computer One-liners

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. [In binary code, 10 means 2!]

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0!

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features!

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!

The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better." So, I installed Linux!

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila!

more computer jokes on GuyLife 

Thought of the Day - Start Over

Thought of the Day - Start Over

Sometimes it is easier to rebuild from a total calamity than it is to repair a minor bit of damage. That's because we can start all over. We have a blank canvas, so we can figure out what didn't work last time and take a fresh approach. We may now feel that a recent "failure" has left us in ruins. But ruins are inspiring. If we are surrounded by ruins, we have numerous possibilities. We clear the ruins, make a clearing and build from there. We can see clearly what didn't work, and we can try something new. This time, as we rebuild from a calamity, we will be stronger and more successful than ever.

Joke of the Day - Mother Knows Best

Joke of the Day - Mother Knows Best

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how John and his roommate Julie looked at each other. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious. By the end of the evening she was convinced there was more between them than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie went to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John."

The next day, John received a response from his mother that read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle that's been in her pillow since I left. Love, Mom."

more dating jokes on GuyLife